Even Heroes Cry
by JenTWCSINYFAN
Summary: Post 911 and After Time, DK has a sister who is the victim of a violent crime. How will that affect him and the remnants of 911 and being a hero? Stay tuned to find out
1. Chapter 1

The letters FDNY were visible on the back of the somewhat well worn sweatshirt on the prone body. A trickle of blood was present on her mouth when they turned her over. Then her chest rose slowly and the two police officers from the 55th precinct inwardly sighed with relief. She had the name Kitson on the back of her top but was nobody they knew.

Sully got on his radio. "55 Charlie to Central, we need a bus at 67 and King. Put a rush on it , we have a badly beaten woman who needs medical help forthwith."

Faith said" Think she might be a firefighters sister or girlfriend ? What's DK's last name over across from us anyway?"

Sully shrugged. "I guess we will just have to pay the neighbors a visit and find out, though this is something I hate to have to tell anyone no matter who it is ."

Faith nodded. "Yeah I bet Bosco will be jealous. He loves picking on Doherty any chance he gets to get in his face. Who would believe he'd get the chicken pox now in the middle of October?"

Then the ambulance came. Kim and Alex got out. Alex said" What do we have? Oh my god she looks horrible." Alex moved over to start to tend to the woman and prepare her to go to Angel Of Mercy.

Kim looked at her and then said" Alex you don't know who she is? This is DK's sister Sienna , you wouldn't know her she's younger than him and she used to hang out with us sometimes at the firehouse before you came. Then she went to law school and well got busy with her job and stuff. Was living with some guy for a while too, wonder what happened."

Alex said" I know he has a sister but wow I never thought I'd meet her like this. He's going to be devastated Kim."

Kim nodded with a soft sigh. "We need to take her in and then someone will tell him."

Sully mumbled "Crap." He hated telling people news like this. No matter how long you did this job it never got any easier.

Faith said" My thoughts exactly, I bet that our partners wouldn't trade their time off when it comes to having to do this today."

Sully nodded. "Yeah even if Davis has a pulled muscle it would sure be better than this shift."

Faith sighed. "I can still hear Bosco griping about being itchy , He sounded worse than my kids ever get. God bless his mother if she's taking care of him, that could try the patience of a saint I swear."


	2. Kryptonite

Later that shift: Sully parked near the firehouse and looked at Faith. " So who gets to go in there and wreck DK's world? I'll flip you for it." He pulled out a quarter from his uniform pants and said "Call it."

Faith said" Heads." She sighed. "This is going to be a no win situation no matter what the coin says anyway."

Sully flipped the coin. Then he said "Tails, looks like this one is on me . Might as well get it over with ."

Faith nodded. "I could go with you for moral support if you like ." Then they both got out of the car closing the doors behind them .

Sully walked in to the firehouse with Faith behind him. They spotted DK at the table with the guys and for a moment quietly stood there wondering what words to say to him.

Then Johnson looked up from the sports page at them. " So to what do we owe the honor officers? Somebody double park over here again or something?"

Sully said" I wish Lieu but no." "DK I am going to show you a picture and I need you to tell me if you know the woman in it or not. "

DK shrugged. "All right anything to help you out, what happened?"

Sully replied" Do you know her?" He placed one of their photos on the table in front of DK without the other guys seeing it, nobody should have to have that made public.

DK looked at it and then blinked. He swallowed for a moment audibly. "That's my younger sister Sienna why? "

Sully replied" We're sorry to tell you this but we found her badly beaten today and she had a sweatshirt with your last name on it at the scene. We weren't sure of your last name but then Kim and Alex were the paramedics on scene and Kim recognized her."

DK stood up slowly. "How bad is she? Who did this to her?" His normally calm brown eyes got intense and more of a black shade as he spoke.

"I'll hurt them just like they did her I swear it."

Then he took a deep breath in. "Nobody hurts her without answering to me ."

Faith said" She's at Angel of Mercy as far as we know, She was in good hands with Kim and Alex. We'll find them I promise you that ."

Sully nodded. "If you'd like we'll take you down there unless you'd rather go with the guys from here. "

DK looked at Johnson for a moment searching for some sense of normalcy in his face.

Johnson said" Go be with your sister, she needs you right now. Walsh drive him down there, this isn't the time to be waiting for the subway ."

DK said "Thanks Lieu and Billy."

They both said" Hey don't mention it you'd do it for us in a minute. "

DK went up the stairs with Billy behind him. Billy said" She's strong man and tough she'll come through this ."

DK sighed. " She's always been my best friend Billy, besides being my baby sister. I can't stand the thought of anybody hurting her, she went through enough crap as a kid before she came to live with us. " Then he just started to change clothes into jeans and a polo shirt under a hoodie with FDNY on it. He put on a baseball cap with that as well and then waited for Billy to get ready.

Billy moved quickly as well. "Let's go. I bet knowing her she will be worrying about you leaving work more than herself. Sienna is like that right?"

DK briefly smiled. "Yeah she is. And thank you I needed that lighter moment. How am I going to tell our parents. This is their little girl."

Silence overcame the two friends as they moved down the stairs to leave the firehouse. It seemed like this was the best thing for the moment, just being."


	3. Learning Her Fate

DK arrived at the hospital roughly thirty minutes later. He approached a nurse he knew from his own minor trips in there over the years and said" What room is Sienna Kitson in please? She was brought in earlier by ambulance."

The nurse said" She's in four fifteen. The doctor up there wanted paged when her family got here . I'm sorry about her DK , it must be hell for you right now."

DK said" Well not knowing how she is isn't exactly a walk in Central Park to be honest? I'll head on up though thank you Mary."

Billy followed him toward the line of elevators . DK turned at the footsteps forgetting Billy was even there with him. He said" You can go on back to the house man I'll be ok . I know where she is and that she's in good hands here."

Billy blinked for a moment. " Yeah and I also know you when you are trying to hold together and not let the chinks in your armor show ."

DK said" Well there isn't much anybody can do here except sit and wait and have bad coffee . How bad can she be? The police may have been exaggerating what she looked like and those pictures are not that great that they take."

Billy said "Hey fine if you want to be all stubborn and Irish go ahead but don't come crying to me when it kicks you in the ass." "You want me to leave you here I'm gone. " His arms were folded slightly as he leaned against the wall of the elevator quietly.

DK inhaled slowly. "There it is the Irish thing again. You always use that to push my buttons I swear Walsh . What do you want from me?"

Billy said" I want you to act like you feel something, anything right now. If it were my sister I'd be wanting to hit something myself any chance I got."

Then the elevator stopped at the floor where Sienna was located. DK said"Well here we go time to see what really happened and just how bad things are."

Billy nodded. "After you." They stepped out and a doctor met them in the hallway around a glass enclosed area. "Kitson?"

DK said" That would be me I'm her brother , how is she doctor?"

The doctor said" I'm Doctor Anderson." "Sienna is currently in a medicated coma. She suffered several broken facial bones and a concussion. I am also sorry to inform you but she appears to have been pregnant until today and she has suffered a miscarriage. It was more than likely due to the trauma she endured . She can however have more children if she wants them there was no internal damage."

DK blinked. "So you're telling me that not only was her face which was beautiful beaten to hell but that they took her baby from her too?" His eyes went dangerously dark again and his stomach churned over. He pushed past the doctor and then was sick in the nearest trash can. His eyes got watery and he wiped them with a hand quickly. After a shaky breath he said "I want to see her." The doctor said" Second room on your right. She looks like she's asleep right now but you can be with her."

Billy was standing at a distance and he felt his own heart get torn up. He watched DK move toward his sisters room and then found his cell phone. He needed to rally the squad because eventually when his friend wanted to reach out he'd need all of them there in his corner.

He moved off down the hall and dialed the firehouse. He waited as the phone rang about three times and then was picked up.

"Squad 55 Johnson speaking." Billy said" Lieu it's me, I'm at the hospital with DK and he just heard some pretty rough news about his sister, he is in her room right now and I wanted to update everybody. She got her face beaten in pretty bad and she was also pregnant but lost the baby. He's still trying to hang in there but I think it about shattered him to hear that ."

He listened as Johnson said a few words not really hearing them. Something about him staying there for his friend.

Billy said" Lieu right now I want to yes but his head isn't in the place to say he needs anyone. I'll wait until he comes back out and then see if he still wants to be on his own. He has to tell his parents and that's going to be a bitch."

"Just keep the squad ready for when he turns to his other family."

They hung up and DK came back out of his sisters room then and sat in a semi soft hallway chair. He was dialing his cell phone when Billy went back to him.

He sat down nearby and was silent letting his friend talk in peace.

Then DK looked over at him. "Thanks for well being here, I'm going to hang around a while. I'll get the subway home later. My parents and brothers are on the way in to the city. Not going to be easy for them to see her like this . " His voice cracked and he swallowed slightly.

"I'm just tired and I get sappy when I'm like that."

Billy gave his friends shoulder a quick pat a few times. "I'm here ok just keep that in mind. Now I'm going to head back to the house. I'll get you fresh clothes and stuff from your locker, I know where you have the spare key. You just call any of us brother, we are here for you and for your family. I'll cover your shifts you focus on Sienna right now and getting her better. And get yourself some rest, she'll need you strong in order to heal."


	4. Memories and Reality Collide

In Sienna's hospital room at Angel of Mercy:

DK sat by her bed holding her hand and his parents were in and out for coffee and food. He hadn't left her side since she'd been admitted and he'd found out that she'd been hurt. It reminded him of back when they were growing up. He was always the one to protect her when her mom went wild with the booze and the men.

Fall of 1988: It had been a crisp October night and Sienna had left her house again. Her mom Had come home three sheets to the wind and with the latest guy she had picked up at the bar where she worked. This one was some attorney or something. He was creepy the way he had looked at Sienna coming in the door so she had just bolted . She went to the one place where she would be safe for the night. To the Kitson's two houses down. She wished her dad had taken her with him when he'd left. Anything had to be better than this with her mom and the creep du jour she brought home.

She wrapped her arms around her self and had just a thin T-shirt on with her sweatpants. Then she went to the back kitchen door and hoped he answered . Derek was always there for her though he was older. She knocked quietly almost afraid of making a commotion. Then he opened the door for her like always.

"Did your mom bring someone home again honey?" He was making hot chocolate on the stove and she could smell it simmering as he added some vanilla to the pot.

She replied " Yeah another creep from work. He tried to grab me and I ran. I just came here not knowing where else to run to." She was shivering as she stood in the kitchen.

He pulled off the NYPD hoodie he was wearing and handed it to her. He had a faded blue T-shirt underneath it and she needed the warmth right now more than he did.

" Put that on and it should help you feel better, I'll have hot chocolate ready soon and my mom made chocolate chip cookies in the jar on the table ."

Sienna said" Thank you I feel better already. I guess I'll use the family room couch tonight as usual."

Derek nodded. "Yeah I'll pull out some blankets and pillows when you're ready. I'm sorry you had to leave your house to be safe ."

She had a slight bruise on her wrist from where the guy had grabbed it. It didn't hurt just made her sad."

She nibbled at a cookie and then drank some hot chocolate slowly. Then impulsively she hugged him . "If I had had a big brother I'd want him to be like you you know?"

Derek blushed slightly. "Thank you I always kind of wanted a sister. And you know what I will always be here for you if you need anything ok anytime."

Sienna smiled. "I know you always come through."

DK clicked back to the present again and said "I'm sorry that I wasn't there this time when you needed me . I let you down." He smoothed her black wavy hair back off her forehead gently. "I'm here now though. I hate seeing you like this so still and quiet."

There were footsteps behind him then and he turned slowly. Billy stood there with a duffel bag in his hand and coffee. " Hey I brought you extra clothes from your place. They have showers here in these rooms. And I know you won't sleep so here is some coffee for you ."

DK sighed. "Thanks I appreciate it , this is the hardest thing I've ever done . Sit here and wait for something , not knowing what the future holds for her or for well all of us."

Billy said "Remember you helped me through it when i had to let my mom go . I've been here but you will have a better outcome. She's tough and she won't bail on you. Just hold on to that right now. And try and rest at some point. I need my friend to take care of himself too, not just carry everybody else on his shoulders."

DK said" I'll try . I suddenly want the bunk at the firehouse or the couch about now. I'll be in touch and thanks for coming by. "

Billy said" Hey now that's what friends do. We're all here for you and your family right now. If you need anything just ask ok? We'll keep the faith for her and for you."

"Oh and Taylor may be by later. She said you may need a shoulder."

DK shrugged. " I might but right now my mind is on my sister not much good for conversation."

Billy patted his shoulder. "Hang in there. I'll be back tomorrow ok?" Then he walked out leaving DK to his thoughts again.


	5. Talking Over Pizza

An hour later: DK was alternating between pacing and sitting down beside his sister. His parents had gone to the hotel they were staying at to decompress a bit and he was alone with Sienna and pretty much silence other than her machines bleeping and whooshing.

He heard footsteps as he walked on the same old groove in the linoleum floor again and then turned with surprise. Alex Taylor stood there in the room. Then she said "Here DK I know you don't eat when you're stressed , I got you pizza the way you like it, extra cheese and black olives." She placed the box from Gino's on the table beside the bed.

DK replied" Thanks I'm not sure I'm hungry just now but I appreciate you comin down." He ran a hand across his face quickly for a moment.

Alex said" You know sometimes trying to be brave gets to me too." She looked at the window across the room for a moment.

Alex composed herself first and said in a hushed tone, "What else is going to happen to people I care about?" Then she just went over and gently squeezed DK's shoulder .

He said" I don't know but I'm about at my limit. And god I'm sorry I just sounded incredibly selfish right now. "

Alex looked at him and said" Don't do that, please. Be real with me . Everybody else is like walking on eggshells and I can't swallow anymore of that. You're here , I get that but I also need you to be the friend who can always talk to me with no BS in the way all right?"

He swallowed. "Well then what say we share this pizza before it gets too cold and I'll buy the Pepsi from the machine outside here. "

She smiled. " Good , Nieto cooked tonight and I didn't feel like endangering my welfare by eating his beef stew."


	6. Second Home

The following afternoon: Everybody heard steps on the stairs and sort of blinked when DK walked in. "Do we have any coffee around here and please say someone reliable made it today."

Lieutenant Johnson said" Well if I count as being reliable, I made it. And are you sure you're in the mood to work today? You get hydrant if you do , frankly you look like hell."

DK said "Well I can always count on you for honesty Lieu and once again you didn't let me down . Fine hydrant it is then." He shrugged, poured coffee and moved upstairs to get changed as usual. He got out his ever familiar uniform shirt and pulled it on after taking off his leather jacket and olive green button down shirt to hang on the hook. Then he pulled off well worn jeans that had seen better days and needed to be probably thrown out sometime soon.

Lombardo came up the stairs then to put something into his locker and then lay on his bunk for a while. " Hey DK how are you holding up? Didn't expect to see you this week at least."

DK said" Well my parents are with Sienna and I couldn't sit in that room listening to machines make noise anymore. I need my family here right now for a while. And my thoughts on something else for a few hours a day." He sighed softly .

Joe nodded. "If you need anything , even a place to just crash for a few hours let me know I have a spare room these days and other than my cat it's yours."

DK said" Thanks I may take you up on that. Right now it feels like everything is kind of in limbo. I promised her once that she'd always be safe with me around and I let her down man."

Joe said" You couldn't have known this would happen. Nobody can guess these things."


	7. Sparks Ignite

The middle aged woman stood across the street from the firehouse. After going to three others in this neighborhood she'd finally found the one where he worked. But yet she didn't have the nerve to say anything to him. And she wasn't sure what he looked like these days. It had been quite a few years, ten at least. Then she spotted the name that was familiar on a dark haired muscular looking guy and went over.

She tapped his shoulder while he was heading toward the inside of the firehouse with a few other guys and a blond woman who looked pretty for a firefighter or whatever she was.

"So little Derek Can't mind his own damn business Kitson is a big bad firefighter now huh? Wonders never cease."

DK's head snapped back toward her. " Well Mrs. Donatello been a long time , thought you'd sailed away with Captain Morgan years ago, or was it Jack Daniels?" His eyes began to go to shade of brown that even the squad knew not to push it when they saw it.

She said" Always were mouthy weren't you, you and that cop father of yours. "

DK took a slow exhale. "First of all lady nobody insults my father while I'm still breathing air, secondly why did you come looking for me here of all places? If you wanted to confront me you knew where my parents live and that I'm usually out there for Sunday football games and dinner. But then you didn't see much of the neighborhood did you? Hell no you were at the bottom of a bottle or hungover most days when we lived there."

" My parents helped raise Sienna. She came to my mother when she was sick or when something upset her. She always had a decent meal in my house and a soft warm bed, hell even a shower when you didn't pay the water bill. You have some balls lady telling me that we interfered in your business when you neglected your child. She's been the victim of a violent beating and is in a coma, at Angel Of Mercy."

He was standing there with his arms folded and shaking. It wasn't cold out but it was from emotion and trying to keep it together.

She said" What she is where I didn't know , she quit talking to me after she finished law school and then got her job with the what is it District Attorney's office now."

DK swallowed for a second. "Probably because you never gave a damn about her it was all about which ever guy you could bring home at night and party with. Some of them tried to grab and touch her didn't you see that? She would come to our house because she was afraid and we helped her feel safe."

Then Lieutenant Swersky, Sully and Ty came out of the precinct house next door. Johnson watched from inside the truck bay with concern on his face.

Swersky said" What is going on out here, we could have you taken in for disturbing the peace DK and I don't think your family needs that right now do they?"

DK replied" If anyone is a criminal here it's that lady. And I think if she has any sense she will get out of my face before I really do something illegal like pop her in the mouth."

Sully said to the woman. "Maam you'll have to leave the premises please . We can't have you trying to incite a confrontation. If you need to say anything more I would ask that you get a better time to do it than today."

The woman said " Well you must like your doughnuts there officer but it's fine I'll leave. There was just some old trash I needed to toss out around here."

DK said"I want a restraining order against her to protect my family and Sienna from her. No contact at all."

Johnson said" DK you need to simmer down and go inside with me, your mom and dad don't need to bail you out of jail right now, they have enough on their minds."

DK clicked back to reality again. " I'm sorry." His head hung lower than usual and for the first time that he'd worked with Francis Johnson he couldn't look at him .

He just went inside with his hands still trembling as he did so and then up the stairs past everybody without even speaking. He found his bunk and just went to it and laid down with his face in the pillows. There was a small beanie bear toy beside his arm that a little girl had given him on the street one day after well 9/11 and he didn't even know he was holding it in one hand tightly.

The squad was all totally puzzled about the scene outside and yet strangely quiet. Nobody wanted to even say anything much at all.

Johnson said" Who's got dinner? I think we need the hugest pizzas we can get from Luigi's tonight and extra cheesy garlic bread. Then whatever you want to make that is chocolate and cake like that well DK loves somebody get on that. I don't want anybody disturbing him right now until we have dinner ready. And I have a certain other lady that is his other mom who I think needs to be here for him right now before even me. I'll be in my office ."

He went and called home getting Ruth to come down and his daughter Rachel. They would help make it better. If anything could he hoped it was what he was doing as a Lieutenant and as his friend.


	8. Recovery and Remembering

One hour later: DK felt someone or something sit on the end of his bunk . He still didn't respond at first or wonder who it was . He didn't want to see anyone right now , he'd made a fool out of himself outside work.

Then Ruth Johnson spoke softly. "Derek." She just gently touched his upper arm with one of her hands. "Come on look at me , it's Ruth nobody else is up here."

DK lifted his head slightly. " Sorry you had to come down here, guess I shook Lieu up pretty badly. I didn't want that to happen today." He sighed softly and his voice was almost inaudible in the bunk area.

Ruth said" What happened exactly? I don't honestly know, I just heard that one of my boys needed me down here." "So I came, Rachel is hanging out downstairs helping Lombardo make your favorite brownies with the peanut butter icing on them for dessert tonight."

DK sat up slightly. "My well unofficial sister is in a coma at Angel of mercy, she was badly beaten and was also pregnant but lost the baby. Her "mother" came here and got in my face about my dad and the fact that Sienna used to live at our house sometimes when she went out on drinking binges or brought creeps home from the bar. My folks would take her in without question until finally one night she showed up with a sprained wrist because she had hurt it pulling away from some guy who tried to touch her. From then on she lived with us as family. My dad was NYPD and had no problem getting her out of there. I was fourteen at the time and the youngest at home. She was ten I think." He sighed. "I promised her I'd always be there when she needed anything at all. But this time I wasn't. Someone hurt her and I hate it."

His voice cracked as he spoke.

Ruth said " Well you're emotionally fragile and also Irish. So you fight when you're attacked. Probably you needed to confront her mother and get it out of your mind after all these years. Though you also need to know something, my husband and nobody else on that squad down stairs blames you for anything. Except maybe not letting them be there for you. But that's not my place to get involved with. I just wanted to let you know that I'm here and I will continue to be here anytime you need to talk. Now I'm going in to see my husband for a moment while you do some thinking or resting. You're my son in my heart Derek as is Billy, and I don't like seeing you in pain. " Her eyes were moist and she hugged him tightly. "Feel better."

DK got up and moved to the window. They had sort of a wooden seat on it that Jimmy had made one day for just hanging out on and talking. The stray cat that they had adopted was laying there on a sunbeam. Axe purred as DK touched his gray fur. He was more DK's than any of the other guys , had been from the cold winter night that they'd found him.

Three years before: February 12th, two days before Valentine's Day. The city had been brutally cold for the last week but no snow. DK looked out the door of the firehouse , feeling restless and a bit mopey. He got the midwinter blahs sometimes and this was one of them. Then he saw it. A gray furry thing huddled in the doorway. He moved toward it and picked it up. It was a cat that looked about a year old and felt almost frozen. He yelled up the steps "Guys I need some warm blankets down here and hot packs."

Johnson said" What do you have DK, do we need medics?" DK replied" No but someone dumped this poor cat outside and he's very cold. I don't know if well he's a goner or not but I want to try warming him up."

Billy said" Then I'm in and it looks like someone found a friend." He had a bundle of towels and his hooded sweatshirt. " Let's get him warm and then we see."

DK said" Yeah." He took the towels and wrapped the cat up in them and placed heating packs around him in a small cardboard box. They took it up to the bunk area and then just waited to see what would happen .

DK clicked back to the present when the cat jumped onto his lap. " You and I have been through a lot together boy. Thanks for sticking around and being by my side." He sighed and sat there not wanting to move much at the moment.


	9. At work Family

Footsteps sounded on the stairs to the bunkroom. DK was now facing the window having moved slightly into a different position. He smelled something lightly floral and then smiled slightly when Rachel Johnson came up into the room.

"Hey kiddo, got a hug for a slightly beaten down firefighter?" "I could use one about now."

Rachel replied" Anything for one of my unofficial big brothers. How are you doing really? Dad said you've been busting it at both ends trying to work and be there for your family. He's worried about you."

DK sighed. " Well I was hanging in there until today. I kind of lost it big time earlier and I just couldn't face anybody. I didn't have any sisters of my own. Older brothers. I was the youngest in my family. The other boys were grown and gone by the time I was well a surprise for my parents. "

Rachel said" You have me . It's ok to not be strong and tough all the time you know. You guys have feelings too and you need to show that once in a while." She gently patted his shoulder. "You still have Axe?" "My dad told me how you saved him that night when it was so cold. He said it was something."

DK said" Yeah February 12th. Someone tossed him outside our door and left him to fend for himself. Made me sick to think of someone hurting an animal like that."

Rachel nodded. "I know I'm the same way with my cat Lola. Anybody who would harm her would have to answer to me first. "

DK said" Thanks kiddo for checking on me, I may be over to use the Jacuzzi out back soon. Think I need it after today. " He stood up to hug her gently.

Rachel said " Good luck with that Walsh already called dibs this weekend. I swear since my dad put that thing in Billy's addicted to it. "

DK laughed. "Well he does seem to like it. Says it helps his shoulder when it hurts from that fall last year." " Now let's see about dinner shall we, I feel hungry ."


	10. Time To Stop

Two nights later: The firehouse, Nine thirty pm. It had been a slow night which was rare in this section of the city and for these firefighters. The guys were hanging out and playing a game of gin rummy to kill time and just talking in the kitchen area with popcorn and pretzels on the table in front of them. DK preferred poker so he'd gone into the living room to the couch and laid down to just relax. In spite of himself he'd fallen asleep under this warm navy blue quilt that a neighborhood woman had made for the squad after 9/11. It had the firefighters prayer on it and the Squad 55 below in fancy lettering. They kept it here for comfort and just to remember how nice she'd been that day when she'd come to drop it off in the rain along with a dozen chocolate chip cookies for everybody. Mrs. Munoz had made them for the firehouses nearby, her son Manny had been a firefighter that was lost that day. She was donating them in his memory around the city to the firehouses and the weary squads.

Then he began dreaming. He saw himself in a long but narrow hallway with smoke and a crackling sound in the background of this building. He looked around but couldn't see anyone else there in the area. For some reason there were none of the usual radio sounds or footsteps and hoses being used on flames. He pushed open a door and then noticed a small girl standing there by a window in an empty but dirty room. He picked her up into his arms as he walked into the center of the floor to check for anyone else and see if there was any smoke or fire in this corner. Then there was a loud crackling noise as the wooden floor began to split. He tried to back away from the cracking floor boards but it was too late. There was a big gaping hole and then he saw nothing but blackness as he began to fall. The little girl was held in his arms tightly and then he sat up and yelled "No, someone help me."

Johnson heard it from his office and went to where he was laying. By that time DK had sat up and was sweating and slightly shaking. He said" What just happened in here DK?"

DK replied "I had a bad dream, saw myself falling through the floor with a kid Lieu." He took a shaky breath and then sat up .

Johnson said" I think you need to go on hydrant for a while or take some time off. You're not dealing very well with your sisters situation and I don't want you hurt out there ."

DK said" It was just a bad dream , you have never had one doing this job? After the past few months and all."

The guys came in then. " Wow what the hell was that about, scared the crap out of us playing cards."

DK said" I had a bad dream, no biggie. Like you all never have here, come on now. "

They looked at him and saw the sweat on his face and the paleness of it. Then Billy spoke up. " Take the time , you need it. It's ok to deal with family first right now.""

DK said "Well damn if I had known you didn't trust me out there then I would have sooner, that hurts guys." He looked around the room at them.

Then Alex made her way to the front of the group of men and touched his arm gently for a moment above the elbow. " DK, please take the time I can't watch you hurt yourself or even worse lose you , I care too much about you for that."

She blinked hard and then her footsteps were heard going up the stairs quickly.

DK sighed. " For her, the bravest one of all of us I'll do it. "

Johnson nodded. "Good choice, I'll get it in motion for you as of now."


	11. Dinner and Dessert

One week later: DK found himself at his apartment pretty much sick of the same four walls. How much laundry could a guy do between trips to the hospital. He was starting a chicken stir fry for dinner when the buzzer at his door sounded. Then he heard a surprising voice on the other end. "DK it's Alex mind if I come up?"

He replied "Sure I'll open the door for you." He pushed the button that unlocked the metal door from the inside and then heard it re close after a few seconds. Then he opened the door to his particular apartment for her.

She said "Mind if I come in?" She was standing out in his hallway as she spoke.

DK replied" Come on , my neighbor Mrs. Reilly would think I was rude not letting a young lady in out of the hallway anyway." He smiled as he stirred the rice that he was cooking.

Alex said" Something smells good, what is it?"

DK shrugged. "Chicken stir fry, I remembered it from a friend of mine and never tried her recipe until today."

Alex smiled. "Hmm must have been a close friend to teach you how to cook then."

DK said "Well let me get you a plate and you can try it for yourself Taylor."

Alex nodded. "Sounds good." She sat at his lightly colored table and ran her hand over the pine surface.

DK said" You have never been to my place, have you? I mean not when the other guys weren't here on like a football game day."

Alex looked down for a moment. "No I haven't. I was off today and I just couldn't stay in my apartment anymore and look at the walls."

DK said" Yeah gets to you after a while. I find myself wondering what to do and it's just been a week. My sister is holding steady, no change there. "

He got her a forest green plate and put it down in front of her with a fork. His was on the opposite side of the table.

He said "I used a pineapple sauce on this one, tell me if it's too sweet for you. Usually I try sweet and sour on it most times."

Alex said "It will be good I'm sure since you made me dinner, remember the best meal I make at work is my once a week chili or grilled cheese sandwiches. "

DK chuckled. "True, but they are always fine by me."

Alex took a forkful. "Wow this is really good, the guys would love it ."

DK smiled " Glad you think so, maybe I'll get brave and try it when I get back."

Alex nodded. Then she did something totally on impulse that surprised her. She leaned across the table and after touching his face gently with her hands kissed him on the lips.

DK smiled. "Wow, I guess I don't need dessert after that."

Alex said "It wasn't too much?" Her blue eyes looked into his for a moment with uncertainty.

DK said" No I think it was about time one of us made a move. I'm glad you did though because I was wondering if I was good enough for you."


	12. Dark Days Ahead

Ten minutes later: Alex for a moment was quiet after what DK said to her following their kiss. Then she looked at him and said" You're good enough for me, why would you think that you weren't. You are kind, strong, and brave when it comes to the job. You put others first before yourself. Who wouldn't want that in a partner?"

**DK nodded. " Yeah well there was someone a while back that I cared a lot about and I actually thought about settling down with at the time. But then Carissa couldn't deal with my job and our hours. She thought she could but it turned out she was kidding herself. " **

**Alex said "She was a fool, if you really want someone you find a way to make it work with them, you don't just cut and run when you hit a rough patch. My parents made it happen."**

**DK said " I guess it's just everything that is making wonder right now. I mean my sister was perfectly healthy a few weeks ago and now she is in a coma that could be permanent . Life throws strange curves at you sometimes doesn't it?"**

**Alex nodded. "Yes, I never thought I'd be the only firefighter in my family that was here. I mean I know in my mind that my dad is gone but I just want to find him and really let go, I haven't gotten to that place yet in my heart."**

**DK hugged her and then his cell phone rang. He answered it. "Kitson." " Ok mom I'll be right down there, I was just talking to a friend. Well don't decide anything until I get there all right." He hung up and sighed softly.**

**Alex touched his arm. "Bad news?" "Your sister?"**

**DK nodded. "They just did an EEG and it showed no brain activity with her, they think she had a hematoma in her brain from the beating that burst. They want us to come down and talk about letting her go." His voice cracked for a moment.**

**Alex said " God I am so sorry, I had hoped for a miracle with her and now there won't be one." **

**DK said" Yeah me too, when I think about what she survived growing up with her mother and all , she was probably my hero if I ever really had one." He ran a hand over his face quickly.**

**Alex said" I'll drive you down to Mercy and update the squad when I get there. They will want to be here for you and your family right now."**

**DK hugged her. "Thank you, I don't know if I could even handle this without you here for me."**

**Alex held him for a moment. "I'm here as long as you need me, nobody should go through this alone. You hold on to that all right."**

**DK said"Yeah I will, you're amazing."**

**Alex smiled "Who me? You could make me get a swelled head talking like that."**

**DK touched her face gently. " You are anyway."**

**Two hours later: DK was in the hospital room with his sister, parents and various doctors gathered around. He said "So are you saying she won't ever come out of this and be whole again?"**

**One of the doctors, Doctor Yang who was the neurosurgeon on staff shook her head sadly. "I'm sorry but she would more than likely be in this state until her body gives out. She'd need nursing care and an institution after the hospital ."**

**DK looked around the room for a moment. Then he said" Do it, let her go. She doesn't need to be living on machines, she'd hate it and I don't want her to suffer anymore than she has already."**

**Doctor Yang nodded. "All right then I'll remove her respirator and turn off life support. I'll give you a few minutes to say your goodbyes in private and just be with her."**

**DK said" Thank you doctor for everything you did for her." **

**The doctor nodded and then said" I wish it had been a better outcome, I hate making families do this." She sighed and went out into the hall.**

**She saw various firefighters gathered around and said" The family will be letting her go very soon, if you want to lend support in a while they will need it. I hate these kinds of days in this job." Then she went to the nurses station for a moment to start paperwork and charts.**

**Billy said" He's going to need us guys, all of us. Though he's damned brave for being in there right now with them and doing that, I don't know if I could handle it personally."**

**Alex said " Could any of us? I mean seriously. He's doing the hardest thing any person could ever do which is watch someone you love die. That takes a hell of a man in my opinion ."**

**Then DK came out to the hallway. His face was wet and he just moved to an empty chair with his head down. He couldn't face anyone of his friends then, it hurt too much.**

**Johnson saw it and went over to him. He placed his hands on the younger mans shoulders and gripped them tightly. "We are all here for whatever you need DK, and don't be ashamed to feel. It hurts like hell we know that and we hurt for you. Just know that you have us."**

**DK cleared his throat. "Thanks Lieu, for everything. I need to process it right now. How do you say goodbye to a hero?"   
**


	13. A Great Loss

Johnson replied "You hold her hand and you tell her that you love her and always will, then you hug her tightly as long as you need to do that."

**DK blinked. "Lieu, thank you for being the rock that I need right now. Though if you want to let Ruth and Rachel know I'd appreciate it. I would but I can't find the words right now."**

**Johnson nodded. "Done but be warned my daughter will be at your apartment and more than likely also my wife knowing them."**

**DK shrugged. "Thanks." Then he saw the doctor enter the room and draw the curtain. "Looks like it's time , I'd rather face a three alarm fire right now than walk back in there."**

**Billy pulled a medal off of the chain around his neck as DK stood up. " Hold onto this, you need it right now more than me." It was his Saint Florians medal that had been his fathers. "Give it back when you are ready I know it's in good hands." He closed DK's fist around it slowly.**

**DK blinked. " Wow I uh don't know what to say."**

**Billy said "Just let us in there and help you." "That's all you need to keep in mind right now."**

**DK inhaled and went into the room. A few minutes later a shrill alarm sound filled the hall and then silence. Then an older couple came out holding each other. There was a man who had DK's jawline and blue eyes followed by a petite woman with the same brown as Dk had. They had their heads bowed and looked tired as they leaned on each other.**

**Alex saw DK in there with his sister and his back toward the doorway. He gently moved the blanket that she was under up almost like tucking her in and then pulled himself away. He kissed his sisters forehead gently and whispered something in her ear for a moment.**

**Then he turned and saw Alex there. He said" Been some day, would you give this back to Billy for me and tell him thanks. I need to get out of here right now I can't stay here not like this."**

**Alex held him for a moment after she stepped inside the room further. " I'm here and I'm not going anywhere ok. When you're ready to lean on me call me and I'll find you anytime of the day or night. Please be careful wherever you go now."**

**DK said " I just need to be alone right now and figure out how I am going to deal with this and helping my parents process it. There is a bridge down by the river that I go to when I need to think. I'll be there in a half an hour ." He exhaled and then headed toward the elevators.**

**Alex watched him leaving. She didn't know what to do, stay there and just let him keep hurting or follow him and not care who saw .**

**She chose the second option . She saw him by the elevators just hitting the buttons with a closed fist.**

"**Wait for me I'll go with you now. All right?"**

**DK shrugged. "Sure though I'm not much company."**

**Alex said " You don't need to be, I just want to be there."**

**Then the elevators opened and they got on to go to the first floor together. DK ran a hand through his dark hair and then his jaw quivered slightly.**

**Alex saw it and said "Come here." She pulled him into a tight hug. "It's all right , let it out Derek you need to ." She rubbed his shoulders while on tiptoes and stood with him. In all these months she had never seen him shed a tear , not over fallen friends or anything. Now this was just too much and she hurt for him inside.**


	14. Breaking Apart

Two days later: The funeral services were to be held at Saint Mark's chapel in Long Island where DK had grown up. He walked in there before any of his family wanting time with his sister before the services started. He stood there running his hand over the edge of the mahogany colored casket. It was hard to believe that she was really in there. But yet she was unless this was all a very bad and horrible dream. He stood there for a while and then felt something grip his shoulder tightly. He turned and saw her standing there in a light blue pantsuit. "Alex." He blinked for a moment and then was quiet again.

She said "I'm here, Lieu got the squad time off, the others are outside coming up the back steps. I wanted to just see how you were doing first though before they came in on us."

DK sighed. "I'm trying to just get through the day right now. It's still not quite real to me. I keep waiting for her to walk in here and wonder what all the sadness is about. But yet she won't."

Alex hugged him. "I know and I wish I could make it easier but I don't know how to do that for you."

He replied "You're here and you care that helps a great deal."

Alex said "Well I'd better go get seated. The other guys will be in soon and your mom invited us to the house after for lunch, said you aren't eating well."

DK shrugged. "Just haven't been all that hungry lately."

Alex moved over to the row that Johnson, Jimmy, Billy, Joe Lombardo, Logan and Mcnamara occupied. Kim, Carlos, and Doc were behind them in the next one together and were talking quietly among themselves.

DK looked around for a moment and then saw his parents enter and his older brothers, sister in laws and various nephews and nieces of his. He went and spoke quietly to his mother for a moment and then found a spot near McNamara to sit in . If he had to do this he needed his family, both of them to get him through. He felt the guys pat his shoulder and squeeze it. That was better than their words. He didn't want to hear I'm sorry right now. It was getting old.

Then the priest entered. He read the 23rd Psalm to begin and then stepped off for Sienna's boss and good friend Jack McCoy to do the eulogy for her. Jack stood up there and at first was quiet. Then he began to speak. "Sienna was my assistant district attorney coworker and friend for six years. In that time I leaned many things about her. She had a passion for helping children that were crime victims and abused women. She was a tireless and dedicated attorney and yet also devoted to her family. She spoke many times to me about her brother Derek who she believed had the braver job than she'd chosen. She said that she could go home at the end of a trial or the end of a long day with victims and still be able to sleep at night. But yet her brother went in and out of burning buildings never knowing if he'd get the same luxury. She was very proud of the man he was, and loved him. She also loved her parents who came into her life as a teenager. She said she always felt safe there and knew what a home was. She was grateful for her second family and wished many times that they'd been first. I was honored to have worked with her and to have known her. I will miss her deeply but I promise you that whoever did this will be punished if it is the last case I ever prosecute in my career." "Thank you."

DK stood up then knowing a few other people were scheduled to speak and some songs would be played. He pushed past Mac to get out of there. "I can't do this I can't be here anymore." He got midway out of the small building before his knees went weak. Then Rachel Johnson who was sitting off to one side with her mother went to him and just knelt down hugging him tightly. He was shaking and small sobs could be heard as she hugged him with his head on her shoulder.

Then somehow she got him outside. For a moment he just stood there crying with his head down on a brick wall nearby.

Rachel said" Shh get it out." She gently rubbed his upper back and shoulders. "It's ok let it go, you've been holding so much in D, I'm here."

DK blinked. " Yeah and I just made a fool out of myself in front of my whole squad by cracking up. Some brave firefighter I am huh? " His tone was bitter.

Rachel said" You've just been through one of the hardest times in anyones life and you are allowed to grieve. Hell my dad said you've even been the strongest one on the squad since September 11th. You hadn't shed a tear one time and were there for the other guys. You're not Superman ."

DK was quiet. "Thank you you have the gift of words like your dad, you know? The department could use another leader like that."

Rachel smiled slightly. "Yeah and good luck telling my mother that one in this lifetime."

They hugged for a moment. DK said" Want to go back in there? I think I can now that I unloaded."

Rachel said" Sure, but just remember that it's ok to ask for help, we all love you and we are here for you right now."


	15. The Point Of No Return

Later that afternoon: DK's parents house was full of people pretty much. Everybody who had ever known Sienna had come by or brought mountains of food, cold beer and soda and desserts. He walked out onto the front porch to sit on the ever present swing and just think . He was tired of the words I'm sorry right now. They were sometimes nice but not today, not yet. It just reminded him yet again that she was gone. Nothing more. He held a bottle of beer in his hand and then played with the label on it. Taking a drink would feel god right now to his mind.

Then he heard footsteps walk up beside him. He turned and noticed Billy standing there. Billy said" Your mom is looking for you, she put out some baked ziti from your neighbors down the block, said it's your favorite besides Lombardo's when you're home. "

DK sighed. "She wants to keep pushing food in my face, I'll end up adding weight and then be no good for the squad anymore." He sighed.

Billy said" Well you need to try and eat something , or you'll end up getting sick."

DK looked at him. "Thanks for the reminder of how I should take care of myself right now Walsh."

Billy blinked. "Wow that was pretty cut to the bone Derek. I know you're hurting right now and hell if I lost my sister Kate I'd be pretty miserable too , but do you think Sienna would want to see you like this, just stopping? Think about that." He went back into the house with a click of the screen door behind him then.

DK sighed. Fine he'd go into the house and see if he could eat something, anything just to make everybody else happy. Damn Walsh anyway, he just had to keep pushing it .

DK walked back inside and got a plate out of the pile at one end of the makeshift buffet line. There was everything from breaded chicken fingers to cold salads and then other hot foods. He noticed that Joe Lombardo had made his macaroni and cheese and took a small scoop of that along with a chicken finger and some of the Gianelli's ziti. Then he sat over in a chair away from every body at the end of the coffee table and started to eat slowly and quietly.

Johnson walked over after a moment noticing the silence in the room as people ate. He said " You take as much time as you need with your family, you have the overtime pay to cover you alone."

DK said" I'll be back in a few days, I need to work. Helps me not think right now."

Johnson nodded. "Ok but until you look better , you're on hydrant. And don't even think about arguing with me or you will be on leave of absence."

DK swallowed some pasta and then said " Ok fine hydrant it is, but then you might want to be with Walsh, I need a break."

Johnson blinked. "Ok a break it is, I don't mind being with Billy out there for a while. Might feel good to see if I still have it on the street."

Billy heard them and said" Good Lieu I'd look forward to being beside you out there."

Alex watched all of this and just picked at her plate. Then she stood up quietly. She went to find DK's parents and thanked them for lunch and again said that she was sorry for their loss.

She touched Dk's arm and said" I'll see you when you get back to work. Or maybe I'll call and check up on you later. I have a few things to do back at home ."

DK nodded. "All right then I'll talk to you later. " He stood up and hugged her gently as she left.

Lombardo saw that and said" You know there goes one hell of a woman and for some reason she wants you DK, think you might want to pull your head out of your ass and let her be there? Just a suggestion."

DK set his plate down on the table quietly. " Well isn't everybody just full of suggestions on how I should or shouldn't be right now. First , hey you have to eat or you'll get sick and all that, second , hey you need to go after the girl because she might not ever look at you again. And the topper, you're on hydrant until you quit looking like shit."

"Who needs any of you anyway, you sit there and judge me about how I grieve, well screw this, screw it all." He went out the front door with his truck keys in his hand and the few clothing items he'd brought out with him from his apartment .

Then he started the Ford F 150 and pointed it toward the end of the driveway . His mother came out. "Derek at least let me hug you, I know you're upset and you're not thinking straight right now but we all just want to help you and what is best for you. "

DK said"I love you mom but right now can't everybody just be quiet please? I can't handle anymore . I need to leave and be by myself. I'll clal you when I get home."


	16. Burn Out

One hour later: DK was back at his apartment and he pulled into the parking garage and his assigned space. He turned the truck off and went to his front door tiredly. Then he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and tossed it on the coffee table with his keys before tossing laundry in a basket in the corner.

He looked at his cell phone screen and saw 10 missed calls. That was fast, the whole city had to be wondering where he was. Then he pulled off his pale blue dress shirt and and khaki colored pants and just flopped down on his bed in a ball under his blankets.

Quiet was what he needed at the moment and nothing else.

He drifted off a short time later shutting the world out for a while.

Meanwhile, Alex Taylor had also returned to the city and had gone to her mothers for a while. She had eaten some takeout Chinese with her and then left after conversation again about the squad and paramedic duty until they settled things with Angus one way or the other.

She walked to her Jeep and dialed DK's cell again for the third time since she'd been back. "DK it's Alex. When you get this call me back, I just want to know you got home ok. The guys are worried about you and so am i. I'll talk to you later all right ." She hung up not sure what to say after those words but hoped they would break through. She'd never seen him like he'd been today. So hurt and angry that it radiated off of him.

She sighed and went into her apartment slowly. She knew everyone handled loss differently but he just wouldn't let himself feel and cry. That wasn't healthy.

Two hours later: DK woke up and felt actually hungry. He looked in his refrigerator and found eggs and some bacon and grated cheddar cheese. So he buttered a pan and then began scrambling them for himself and added the cheese inside them while they cooked. He remembered Sienna making this sometimes when she stayed at their house the next morning. She had been a really good cook, could probably have been a chef if she'd wanted it.

He finished the food and sat down at his table to eat. Then he saw Alex's number on his cell and dialed it. He didn't expect her to pick up .

"Taylor."

He replied" Hey I just wanted to let you know I was ok despite what an ass I was earlier with you. I'm sorry, I'm just too damn tired of all of it, the whole thing, the loss, the funerals all of it with everybody not just my sister. I'm burned out right now."

Alex said "Well I can be over there if you like just to sit with you or hug you anything." Her voice was softer than in the firehouse everyday.

DK replied, "I'd like that, my door will be open. I'll be on the couch or back the hallway tossing laundry in when you come. And thank you for sticking by me I know after today I didn't make it easy for anybody."


	17. Time With Her

Alex sighed. "DK you're allowed to hurt and be however you want to be. We've all had a hell of a time these past few months and you've been there for everybody. Just let us be here for you now. I'll be there in a few moments ok."

She hung up and then grabbed her keys and some extra clothes for herself and her bathroom stuff , tossing it into a duffel. She knew DK needed her right now and she would be there for him. She locked her apartment and headed out to her jet black Camaro to drive to his place. It was uptown and close to the firehouse so somedays he would run into work when the weather was decent .

She knocked on his door after parking her car next to his in the garage and then waited for him to answer. He came to the door wearing gray sweatpants with a hole in the knee and an old T-shirt in a dark green that read Irish Firefighter on it in cream colored lettering. He said "Come on in, I just ordered a pizza, sausage and extra cheese sound ok to you?"

Alex said" Sure you know I eat whatever you guys get at work on them if it's from Luigi."

DK cracked a quick smile. "As if I'd order from anybody else ?"

Alex smiled. "No you wouldn't and you have the rest of us addicted I swear , unless Lombardo is making his homemade."

DK nodded. "Sorry the place is kind of messy I hadn't been here much lately to keep up with it."

Alex said "Why don't I do the kitchen , like the dishes and you just relax. You look like you're still tired ."

He said " I might be a little. Lieu won't let me work until next week."

Alex touched his arm gently. "He doesn't want you to burn out, that's all . Just let yourself rest. We'll be here when you're ready to get back to us. " She reached into the bag of things she'd brought with her and pulled out a plastic candy bag. " Billy wanted me to give you these."

DK smiled. " Mini Snickers bars, he remembers everything I swear." "I owe him one on his next birthday. "

Alex said "I'll help you with it, he should have a good surprise, now go sit down for a while ok."


End file.
